Invisible People

Mumford: “I peed.”
Me: “Of course you did.”
Mumford: “Let’s go outside anyway.”
Me: “Why not? I’m only on a conference call.”
Mumford: “It’s pretty outside.”
Me: “Don’t start that again.” Oops! “I didn’t mean you, sir. I was talking to…never mind.”
Mumford: “I think I’ll pee.”
Me: [whispers] “Good dog.”
Mumford: “Why are you whispering?”
Me: [whispers] “Because I’m on a conference call.” Oops! “Sorry, sir.”
Phone is now on mute.
Mumford: “You seem distracted.”
Me: “I told you, I’m on a conference call. I have to work so that you can eat.”
Mumford: “No you don’t. Mom feeds us.”
Me: “Mom can feed you because I work for a living. I bring home money to buy the food that Mom feeds you.”
Mumford: “Sounds complicated.”
Me: “Not…yes, it’s complicated. Don’t worry about it.”
Mumford: “Are you still on your conference call?”
Me: “Yes.”
Mumford: “Why aren’t you whispering?”
Me: “Because my phone…it’s complicated.”
Mumford: “Weird. Can we go in now?”
Me: “Lead the way.”
When I opened the door, the Budster was waiting. He wants to go out again.
Mumford: “Don’t bother him, he’s complicated this morning.”
The Budster: “Whaaa?”
Me: “Conference call.”
The Budster: “What’s a conference call?”
Me: “People at work get together and we talk on the phone.”
The Budster: “I always thought you were talking to yourself.”
Me: “No, people at work.”
The Budster: “Invisible people, eh?”
Me: “No, real people.”
The Budster: “If you say so.”
Me: “Really. They’re real people.”
The Budster: “uh-huh.”
Me: “Do you want to go outside or not?”
The Budster: “Not if you’re talking to invisible people. I’ll wait for Mom.”
Me: “Yes, sir. I’ll take care of that.”
Crap! Phone was on mute. Unmuted now.
Me: “Yes, sir. I’ll take care of that.”
The Budster: “Your invisible people are hard of hearing, huh?”
Me: “No, they are not hard of hearing.” Oops! “No sir, I didn’t mean you.”
Dammit! Phone on mute.
Me: “My phone was on mute and…I didn’t…so I…never mind.”
Mumford: “Told ya.”
Miss Annie: “What’s going on?”
The Budster: “Don’t. Just don’t.”
Miss Annie: “Don’t what?”
The Budster: “He’s talking to invisible people.”
Miss Annie: “He does that sometimes. It’s kinda fun to watch when you’re bored.”
The Budster: “When I get bored, I take a nap.”
Me: “Do you guys mind? I have to get back to work.”
The Budster: “Doesn’t look like you’re working. Looks like you’re walking around talking to invisible people.”
Me: “I’m on the phone.”
The Budster: “I don’t hear anybody.”
I remove my ear bud and show him.
Me: “It’s because I’m using this.”
The Budster: “Those invisible people live in that little thing?”
Me: “They’re not invisible people!”
The Budster: “Then they’re real tiny little peoples.”
Mom: “What’s going on out here?”
The Budster: “Dad’s got little peoples living in a box that he puts in his ear.”
Mom to me: “What did you do to the dogs?”
Me: Phone unmuted. “Yes sir. Thank you sir.” Phone muted.
The Budster: “See?”
Mom: “Do you need to go outside?”
The Budster: “Yep, but not with him.”
Mom: “Honey, take your tiny friends into the other room. I’ll take the dogs outside.”
Me: “Shut up. You know I’m…”
She smiles. I sigh and walk away.
Mom: “Come on, let’s go outside.”
Mumford: “Mom, Dad said he has to work with tiny people so that you can feed us.”
Mom: “I’ll check his medication.”
The Budster: “Good. He’s creeping me out.”

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About the Author

Joyce Ellis is the CEO and Caretaker of WarmFuzzy's Animal Shelter & Sanctuary. She was born with the vision, the Energizer Bunny who keeps going and going. She is Fuzzy1 of all WarmFuzzy's.

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