Fa…at

Miss Annie: “Be careful, this ramp is rickety.”
The Budster: “It got that way because someone is fa…”
Miss Annie: “Don’t say it!”
The Budster: “…at.”
Miss Annie: “Shhhh, he’ll hear you!”
The Budster: “I didn’t mention any names. I said ‘someone’.”
The Duchess: “Are you two talking about me?”
Miss Annie: “No, Buddy said Dad is fa…”
The Budster: “Don’t say it!”
Miss Annie: “…at.”
The Budster: “I didn’t mention any names. You did.”
Miss Annie: “That’s what you meant.”
The Budster: “Maybe not.”
Miss Annie: “On, so now I’m fat? Is that it?”
The Budster: “I didn’t mention any names. Is he ever going to open this door?”
Me: “Hey guys, I can’t get to the door to open it. You wanna move?”
Miss Annie: “Buddy, let him through.”
The Budster: “Me? You’re the one who’s…”
Miss Annie: [squinting eyes] “Say it, I dare you.”
The Budster: “I was going to say you’re the one who’s in the way.”
Miss Annie: “That is not what you were going to say.”
The Budster: “Was too.”
Me: “Come on guys, someone needs to move so that I can get to the door.”

I push my way through, Annie stands her ground and the Budster falls off of the ramp.

The Budster: “Seriously Annie?”
Miss Annie: “That wasn’t my fault.”
Me: “Buddy, are you okay?”
The Budster: “I’m fine. Lard-ass knocked me off the ramp.”
Miss Annie: [glaring] “Really? You want to go there?”
Me: “I think he was referring to me.”
Miss Annie: [coyly] “Nooooo, he doesn’t really think that.”
The Budster: “A-hem.”
Me: “I have gained a little weight.”
Miss Annie: “Nooooo.”
The Budster: “I wasn’t talking about you, Dad.”
Miss Annie: [whispers] “Seriously?”
Me: “Buddy, Miss Annie has lost a lot of weight and we’re proud of her.”
The Budster: “Yeah, that’s what I meant.”
Miss Annie: [whispers through clenched teeth] “Seriously?”

I opened the door and the dogs crowded each other to get into the house, like squeezing toothpaste through a pinhole.

Miss Annie: “You are so going to get it.”
The Budster: “I’ll give you my share of scraps tonight.”
Miss Annie: “And?”
The Budster: “And tomorrow night?”
Miss Annie: “And?”
The Budster: “I can’t think of any thing else.”
Miss Annie: “Me neither. We’ll take this a day at a time but your ass is mine.”
The Budster: “I can run faster scared that you can mad. Besides, I meant Dad but I didn’t want him to feel bad.”
Miss Annie: “So you threw me under the bus.”
The Budster: “Sorry.”
Miss Annie: “I know. Maybe now he’ll fix the ramp.”
The Budster: “Or lose weight.”
Miss Annie: “You have a death wish, don’t you?”
The Budster: “What.”
Miss Annie: “If he decides to go on a diet we won’t get any good scraps.”
The Budster: “OMG, we’ll die!”
Miss Annie: “My point exactly, Mister Fuzzy Pants.”
The Budster: “What do we do??”
Miss Annie: “Learn to keep your mouth shut and try not to fall off the ramp.”
The Budster: “You pushed me!”
Miss Annie: “You called Dad fat!”
The Budster: “I can’t win this, can I?”
Miss Annie: “Nope.”
The Budster: “I’m sorry.”
Miss Annie: “Not yet you’re not.”
The Budster: “Hey, what’s that noise?”
Miss Annie: “Sounds like a drill.”
The Budster: “He’s really doing it! He’s fixing it!”
Miss Annie: “I’ll still knock your ass off of the ramp.”
The Budster: “You’re mean.”
Miss Annie: “I prefer the word, ornery.”
The Budster: “Yeah, in a big way.”
Miss Annie: “When you least expect it…”

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About the Author

Joyce Ellis is the CEO and Caretaker of WarmFuzzy's Animal Shelter & Sanctuary. She was born with the vision, the Energizer Bunny who keeps going and going. She is Fuzzy1 of all WarmFuzzy's.

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