Lewis Is An Asshole

Warning: Contains descriptive language that might bruise your tender little ears.

The Morning Zoo

Lewis is an Asshole

Lewis is a long-haired black and white kitty. He is one of the reasons we have day kitties and night kitties. Lewis is an asshole. He will display his authority over the other cats and one in particular, Twinky, will not back down. Ever. Because of this, Twinkie is a day kitty. He and other kitties are allowed to roam the house during the day and Lewis is allowed out at night. Lewis also torments the dogs. He sits in the hallway and when they walk by, he smacks them with his claws and sends them howling. He’s gotten every single dog we’ve had and they are all terrified of him. Now, the dogs will not walk down that hall when Lewis is there. Nope. Won’t happen.

The only kitty Lewis will not go after is Daisy, an ancient, gentle old kitty. Daisy is so old and frail that he can barely get around but he is the sweetest old man you will ever meet and he is so very happy. Lewis is sweet to me and the Missus, he’s just ornery to everyone else. You would think that as old as he is now, he would lose some of his edge but no, he’s been an asshole all his life and he will die an asshole.

Deep down inside, Lewis is a sweetheart and left to his own devices and others’ respect he would be a benevolent friend. Problems arise when someone challenges his standing and the fight is on. Don’t step on his turf and don’t don’t don’t get in his face. Leave him alone and you’ll be fine. Respect him and you’ll be better. Mess with him and you’ll experience the wrath of a fur-lined razor blade.

We all know people like Lewis. They are sweet to some and brutal to others. Whether or not you are comfortable using the term, they’re considered assholes but they are not assholes to everyone, just to those who set them off for one reason or another. You know the type. One moment they are Mother Teresa and the next, Ghenghis Khan. They will snap without warning but if you pay close attention you will understand what makes them snap and you won’t do that. You will appreciate them for the goodness inside and respect their boundaries.

Some folks are asshole fodder. They go through life picking other people’s scabs and thus, they deserve the wrath of the resident asshole. They’ll set him off and then sit back and complain about his behavior. In reality, they are the assholes and troublemakers. They have no respect for anyone. They play pious while taunting others and then play the martyr, but here’s a hint. If a pious scab picker wants to play the martyr, an asshole will make him one.

Romans 12:18 says
If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

Hezekiah 14:12 says
Don’t start none and there won’t be none.

I know there is no book of Hezekiah but you get the point. If at all possible, live peaceably with others but some assholes just won’t allow it.

The next time you think that someone is being an asshole, ask yourself, “Who is picking his scab?” Chances are great that someone is. Just don’t let it be you and you’ll find that he (or she) is really a sweetheart deep down inside. If you are a pious scab picker, you deserve what you get.

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About the Author

He is a policeman, a soldier, a programmer, a farmer, a murderer, a priest and a politician. Rod is anything that he wants to be. He's a consultant by day but he's an author by night.

Rod is the author of The Morning Zoo, hosted exclusively by WarmFuzzy's. He has also written several novels and proceeds from book sales help support WarmFuzzy's Rescue & Sanctuary. Mosey over to Amazon and get some.

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