It was and still is rainy here today. Outside this morning with the wind BLOWING and rain coming down. The yard is a swamp again and the pond behind the house is overflowing. Not that long ago it was as dry as a bone. Tonight, it’s icky and the temp is dropping a little. The weather is unpleasant but inside it’s warm with lots of love yet awkward in a way.
The Budster has taken to laying down in the hallway during the day, next to the bathroom, one of Annie’s old spots. He is still checking her spots as he walks through the house. I know he misses her and so does Duchess who is becoming even more clingy that before. It started with her a couple of weeks before Annie passed. like she knew, and it’s gotten more so. She gets lots of pets and hugs and she’s even gotten quite kissy with me, which is unusual. She kisses Mom but me, not so much. I am not much for dogs licking me but I make an exception under these circumstances. Mumford usually sleeps by the back door but she is now sleeping in the hallway every night when we go to bed. She’s there until our morning romp and then it’s back to her usual spot. She’s sticking closer to the family.
I was thinking about “retiring” Annie’s stuffed animals, putting them away a few at a time but lately Duchess is bunching them up in a pile and laying on them. It’s hard to watch but if it helps… So that’s off the to do list for a while.
A while back I wrote that I told Annie that it was okay for her to leave and that I would be okay. She did. I was and then I wasn’t and then I was and then I wasn’t. She’s back and she told me something about Buddy last night. I was petting the Budster, she popped in unexpectedly and what she said came out of left field and caught me by surprise. I’ll keep it in mind and keep my eye on things. She called me Dad again.
This stuff is hard for me to write.
Anyway, we’ve had a fire in the fireplace for the last two nights, mostly for ambiance and I suppose a little heat. Fireplaces are inefficient and often take more heat out of the house than they put in but we needed something to break through the funk. I think it helped a little. It was something different. We’ve got the wood stove going tonight to take the chill out of the air. I brought in wood before it got drenched by the rains. We’ll be warm and dry.
I don’t know. I guess I’m rambling but the household is still hanging in there. I think I’ve determined that I don’t seem to care about much these days but I don’t know how to fix that. I’m not sure when it started but Annie’s passing didn’t help any. The thing is, I don’t want to fix it so I guess we’ll see where it goes from here. I’ve got time.
I’m going to go pet the Budster. He’s being cute again.